Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Saying Goodbye to 2008

2008, you were a strange year for me. You started out bad. I was in a relationship with someone for all the wrong reasons. The first three months of you, I was miserable and depressed. Then something crazy happened on March 16th--I was free.

2008, you brought me many firsts. You were the first year in which I have been single for the majority of the year since 2001.

2008, you were the first year I flew on an airplane alone to visit a friend in San Diego for the first time.

2008, you marked the first time I visited New York and went to a Broadway Show with my dad and cousin.

2008, you were the first year I drove myself to the airport, parked my car, got on a plane to Chicago, took the subway train downtown, and went to a graduate school open house on my own.

2008, you were there the first time I ended things with a guy after 3 months of dating when I had a feeling things just wouldn't work out.

2008, you helped me realize that being on my own wasn't so bad and that there were a lot of things I actually enjoyed about being single and living on my own.

2008, you helped me discover my hobbies like crocheting, reading, and writing.

2008, you gave me back my friends I thought I had lost and you brought me closer to my family. You made me realize that those are two things that I cherish deeply and could not live without.

2008, you helped give me the push I needed to pursue grad school and the confidence to know that I will do it.

2008, you helped me find an amazing therapist who has helped me grow as a person and tackle issues I never thought I could talk about with anyone. I am so blessed.

2008, you were an amazing year. You have taught me so much about myself and others. I know sometimes I may have been angry at you and I didn't always understand why you put me through the things you did, but now I realize it was all for a reason. I love you so much for what you have represented for me and while it is bittersweet to say goodbye, I know that we must part ways.

I can't wait to see what surprises await me in 2009!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Goodie Day

Today is Goodie Day at work. A day where co-workers come together to celebrate the holidays with a variety of holiday treats. From Velveeta cheese & salsa dip in the crockpot, to Chex Mix, to cupcakes, cookies, and pies--we've got everything your inner "fat girl" desires.

I was most impressed with the cupcakes Gale brought in. So impressed that I had some fun with Photoshop this morning. Take a look below.

These are just regular chocolate cupcakes topped with icing and sprinkled with chocolate and crushed candy cane.

I love the cupcake stand she used. It really does add a lot to the presentation and it's actually the entire reason behind why I even bothered to photograph the cupcakes in the first place. The only drawback that I can see is that the display is far too pretty to eat because the cupcakes haven't even been touched!

You can purchase a Wilton Cupcakes 'N More Dessert Stand at Bed, Bath, and Beyond for a mere $19.99. Use a 20% off coupon and you'll save an extra $4.00 before tax. It would be a great addition to any occasion--birthdays, holidays, weddings, anniversaries, you name it.

I also got a $10 Starbucks giftcard from my manager, which was very thoughtful. I love how everyone knows just how much I love my Starbucks in the morning. I broke down and bought Starbucks coffee to brew at home just to cut back on my weekly spending. I could easily drop $20 a week on Starbucks, no kidding. If I'm lucky, I'll get a few more in my stocking!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Practice Makes Perfect (or at least that's what they say)

I guess a part of knowing yourself is knowing yourself. I love self-reflection but I hate identifying patterns that are unhelpful in life. It forces you to consider how your actions are going to affect your feelings, what your feelings say about your desires, and what you're going to have to change in order to get your desires met. Change, that is the hardest part.

Today in therapy I discovered that I am a people-pleaser. Well, actually it's more complicated than that. At almost any cost, I will say or do things in order to comfort and make someone else feel better, when the actual person who needs reassurance and comforting is me. Case in point: I think I'm dating some guy when said guy begins complaining to me about not feeling desirable to other girls. I could have said--"I'm a little confused, I thought that we went on a date and now you're talking to me about other girls like I am a friend. If that's the case, we can just be friends"--or one of the other straight-forward snappy comebacks my therapist throws into the suggestion box that sends me reeling into a fit of laughter. But instead of saying how I actually feel, I end up reassuring him that whoever he is talking about must have bad taste because I, for one, like nice guys.

But don't even get me started about whether or not he is a nice guy because I am still debating. Deep down I think he is and perhaps that is the problem. A nice guy who recently got a divorce and knows all about how a bad relationship is and can explain to me in detail why it failed and what it takes to have a good one. Holy Mother of God, I think, he is speaking my truth! Every word that comes out of his mouth I have experienced and I can't believe there is a man out there who truly comprehends what it takes to sustain a relationship. Communication, openness, compromise, truth, yadda yadda--hearing those words makes me feel as though someone finally gets it.

Except he doesn't because he is a hypocrite. I have a lot of sympathy for people and maybe he's just going through something right now. I mean, a divorce is a big deal but he admits that he chooses bad partners, women who he wants to rescue or help. Then when they realize he's too nice and that the comfort of a good relationship is too boring for them, they leave. It's hard for me to have that much sympathy though because while he's wasting his time complaining about a past relationship and a woman who wrecked his life, and the bad decisions he made by even choosing to be with her, he is ignoring the fact that there is a beautiful woman on the other end of the conversation who has a lot to offer and who any guy would be lucky to have (umm... hello, me! (^_~).

So, this is the point where I take what I learned in therapy and I use it. I tell him let's cut through the bs (yes, I said that!) nobody needs friends who live an hour and a half away. Besides who's kidding themselves because friends don't kiss, or cuddle, and they especially don't sleep next to each other. I tell him that I can't do any of that with him anymore because I like nice guys and I want to find a nice guy to be in a relationship with, but I know I'll end up getting my feelings hurt if we continue down this path. That seriously took a lot of balls because like I told my therapist earlier today, I hate rejection which is why it's so hard for me to tell the truth sometimes.

It got a bit quiet on the other end, but he finally broke the awkwardness by saying that he understood where I was coming from, which was a nice thing to say. The weird thing is I actually do feel a little bit better knowing that I was able to tell the truth and it was okay. Not only that, but I was able to recognize what I needed to do in this situation to make myself feel better and to avoid what I inevitably knew would happen. I can't do the casual fling thing and especially not with a guy who is genuinely sweet and caring. That makes it even more dangerous because his actions easily come off as meaning so much more than what they actually do.

I want a guy like that, but I also want a guy who isn't still stuck on his ex and who is able to form healthy relationships with women who are in a healthy place in their lives. I too am guilty of having a past of codependent relationships, but no more. I'm done with trying to change men and help them become the person I want them to be. It's a waste of time and effort, and I'm done with it. If a guy can't see that I'm freaking amazing, then I don't want to waste my time and effort chasing after him or being sad and broken-hearted when it's more than obvious that he doesn't return my same sentiments. I'd rather be alone and save myself the drama and heartache.

Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without therapy. Being able to speak my inner-dialogue and have someone tell me that I make sense is one of the best feelings ever. Even better is learning to trust the voice inside my head and to follow through and do things differently so that I'm not making the same mistakes over and over again. The last thing I want is to be where I was a year ago. Being single is difficult for me because I actually enjoy serious relationships, but its a million times better than being in a bad relationship.

The reason I am in therapy right now is because it is probably the only thing keeping me from making the same mistakes again. Until I can trust 100% that I can do it on my own, I'll continue to be in therapy. It is a gratifying feeling, however, to know that while being faced with the same issues I was faced with a couple years ago, through my work in therapy I am now able to make better choices and outcomes for myself. I hope that those choices will lead me to where I want ultimately want to be in life.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

To All The Ladies

Sometimes I curse my miserable single life, and then I remember what wonderful girlfriends I have to hang to with, who fill my nights with never-ending laughter. I needed that reminder tonight. Thanks!


Threadless.com is another neat website I really enjoy. The concept behind Threadless is that people can submit t-shirt designs in hopes of having their very own design created. The designs are voted on by the Threadless community (basically anyone who has registered account).

If your design is chosen, you will receive all kinds of cool stuff! You earn $2,000 for your design in addition to a $500 Threadless giftcard and an additional $500 each time your design is reprinted. Even if you are not an artist, you still have a chance at earning some extra cash by submitting t-shirts slogans. If your slogan is printed, you get $500.

Right now Threadless is having a big sale. This is the best time to get tees for $5, which is a steal! They also have $10 and $15 tees. But hurry fast before your size runs out (which trust me, it will)!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


It doesn't matter where you are in life, or what you're going through--Jazz can sum it all up in just a few words. Someecards.com inspired me to come up with a list of my favorite Jazz-isms from 2008.

On Life:

On Friendship:

On Love:

Thanks Jazz, for your never ending wisdom and insight! Can't wait to see what kind of Jazz-isms the New Year brings!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Some E Cards

One of my new favorite websites is someecards.com--a website where you can find & send hilarious e-cards for every kind of occasion. Their witty and dry approach to e-greetings inspired me to try my hand at a few. I may not have a future with Hallmark, but I had a hell of a time coming up with some e-greetings of my own!

I apologize in advance to those who fail to see the humor in my offensive messages. If you take a look at the website, you'll understand where I got my inspiration.






Monday, December 8, 2008


In a recent interview with Vanity Fair, Tina Fey admits to joining Weight Watchers to lose 30 lbs before stepping in front of cameras on Saturday Night Live. It is a strange comfort to know that looking good does not come at an easy price for all celebrities. Even Janet Jackson has admitted to the little-know fact that she hates working out. If celebrities hate working out, just like I do, and if celebrities must work hard to get the bodies they desire--then why would it be any different for me?

For starters I don't have a nutritionist, a chef, my own home gym, a personal trainer (oh wait, maybe I do) or countless other resources that celebs have at their disposal. I also don't like getting up early in the mornings, I'm too tired to workout after work, I hate cooking, I hate counting calories, I'm busy, and oh did I mention that I don't have time?! While I'm pretty sure most every working adult feels this way, there are still people out there who manage to fit eating healthy and working out around a hectic and busy work schedule--so what room do I have for excuses?

I am aware that the media glorifies a slender ideal for women. I am also aware that it is the job of actresses, musicians, models, and any woman in the public eye to look good. Undoubtedly, even Sarah Palin probably underwent a make-over before announcing her candidacy for V-Pilf in the last election. Logically, I know all these things and yet I still want to be thin.

I don't feel like I carry unreal expectations anymore. I no longer expect myself to be able to maintain a waifish 115 lbs. For some that may be possible, but not for me. I simply want to be back at a weight where I feel confident in my own skin. I want to be able to go shopping and actually enjoy dressing my body instead of trying to hide it. I want to be able to see pictures of myself and not want to cry. I want to be able to go out on dates and have good-looking guys notice me.

I'm not looking for perfection, I'm looking for satisfaction. Until I find satisfaction with my body, I know I won't be 100% happy and whole on the inside. So no more excuses, it's time to commit to my goals and make this happen. Wish me luck!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Kings Of Leon Nominated for 3 Grammy’s!

Kings Of Leon have been nominated in 3 different categories for the 2008 Grammy's.

Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals
Sex On Fire

Best Rock Song
Sex On Fire

Best Rock Album
Only By The Night

My friend Lee introduced me to this band back in March of this year. They are absolutely amaaaaaaaaazing and their Grammy nominations speak volumes about their new album. This is by far one of my new favorite groups. They've been around for awhile but are just now starting to get the media attention and recognition they deserve.

Check out their myspace where you can listen to songs from their new album, "Only By The Night."

My favorite tracks on the album include: #1 Closer, #3 Sex on Fire, #6 Revelry, #10 Be Somebody.

My favorite lyrics are the opening to the song Revelry: "What a night for a dance, you know I'm a dancing machine, put the fire in my bones with the sweet taste of kerosene."