We all know people who say their cancer or divorce or bankruptcy was the greatest gift of a lifetime—that until the body or the heart or the bank was broken, they didn’t know who they were, what they felt, or what they wanted. It took a Phoenix Process to teach them and wake them up. We also know people who did not turn their misfortune into insight. Instead they became more bitter, more reactive, more cynical. What do you think is the difference between these two kinds of people?
The difference is how they choose to look at things. First and foremost, it is a choice, and while the grieving stage is natural and in fact healthy, you can't stay in that stage forever. Refusing to move on is like denying yourself happiness. These people probably feel a tremendous amount of guilt and believe that they don't deserve to be happy. That's not a good way to look at things because ultimately your cheating yourself in the end.
We all deserve happiness, no matter what life has thrown our way. It's the way we work through our problems and move forward that makes us stronger. We can all learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others, but we shouldn't let our mistakes define us.