Sunday, January 11, 2009

Creating Boundaries

Without borders a once clean river becomes a swamp.
The mind without parameters becomes insanity.
A life without discipline is a life wasted.

As part of the emotional work I am doing this year, I am working on establishing boundaries for myself. I realize now more than ever how important boundaries are. This is one of my biggest if not the biggest issue I've had to deal with in my life. I have lost friends, boyfriends, and pieces of my self-worth all because of my inability to create boundaries for myself. As my therapist said, boundaries exist and are created to establish physical and emotional safety. I desire that kind of security now more than anything.

Understanding our limitations is what gives us freedom.
Freedom from temptations.
Freedom from having to bow to other people's wishes.
Freedom from dead ends.

Borders for when I go out drinking:
If I'm not going out with a girlfriend, drive myself to and from the bar.
Limit myself to 2 drinks.
Leave before the bar closes and leave alone.
Don't smoke cigarettes just because I'm drinking.

Borders for dating:
Do not accept last minute dates (i.e. he regularly calls to plan dates on the night of). Dates must be planned out beforehand.
He has to do most of the asking and planning for at least the first few dates.
He has to offer to pay on the first few dates (but that doesn't always mean I accept).
Don't sleep with him until we are exclusive, committed, possibly love each other and with a strong potential for the long term.
Never go back to my place or his place on the first few dates.


  1. I like this blog and the last one. Good for you. Boundaries are important. They hold in the good and keep out the bad.

  2. This is good, you are growing so much! Boundaries will help you be self disciplined in all areas of your life, and you will be a stronger person through that!