Slow down, Tiger!

Just as I was thinking "I don't have time to update this thing," I ran across this:

Is that a sign or what? I guess my problem isn't lack of time, but for better words lack of being able to say no. I need more time for myself. I need time to work on the things that really matter to me. I NEED to finish my grad school application, yet social obligations and amazing opportunities (like a 100% all-paid-for trip to Las Vegas) continue to get in the way of accomplishing my goals. Granted, my friends and family are of the utmost importance to me. I would way rather be spending time with them then writing a paper, researching, or doing whatever it is that I need to get done, but it's beginning to interfere with my goals and stressing me out at the same time.

My social life is very important to me, so it makes sense it would be difficult to turn down social invitations. Part of the reason I want to become an event planner is because I love social events. But it's taking it's toll on me, physically and mentally. Well anyway, this is just a rant and a reminder to myself to slow down and make time for myself.

My "Crochetions"

I thought I'd finally get around to posting pictures of the crochet projects I made as gifts this past Christmas. I made dish towels and homemade soap for most of the gift baskets. I also made two baby bibs for Stephanie's son Braydon. Unfortunately, however, I don't have any pictures of the biggest project I worked on which was a crocheted purse for Darcy. Maybe I can have her pose with it next time I see her!

Anyway, just realize I am kind of an amateur at this, but I am gradually getting better and better. I've got some new projects on the horizon so stayed posted for that. Enjoy!

Scarf I made Garrett.

Gift basket for my mom.

Gift Basket for Jackie.

Gift basket for Emma.


Gift basket for Stephanie.

Creating Boundaries

Without borders a once clean river becomes a swamp.
The mind without parameters becomes insanity.
A life without discipline is a life wasted.

As part of the emotional work I am doing this year, I am working on establishing boundaries for myself. I realize now more than ever how important boundaries are. This is one of my biggest if not the biggest issue I've had to deal with in my life. I have lost friends, boyfriends, and pieces of my self-worth all because of my inability to create boundaries for myself. As my therapist said, boundaries exist and are created to establish physical and emotional safety. I desire that kind of security now more than anything.

Understanding our limitations is what gives us freedom.
Freedom from temptations.
Freedom from having to bow to other people's wishes.
Freedom from dead ends.

Borders for when I go out drinking:
If I'm not going out with a girlfriend, drive myself to and from the bar.
Limit myself to 2 drinks.
Leave before the bar closes and leave alone.
Don't smoke cigarettes just because I'm drinking.

Borders for dating:
Do not accept last minute dates (i.e. he regularly calls to plan dates on the night of). Dates must be planned out beforehand.
He has to do most of the asking and planning for at least the first few dates.
He has to offer to pay on the first few dates (but that doesn't always mean I accept).
Don't sleep with him until we are exclusive, committed, possibly love each other and with a strong potential for the long term.
Never go back to my place or his place on the first few dates.

My New Years Resolutions

It never occurred to me that I should be making New Years Resolutions. In fact, I have always thought that they were kind of silly. Broken promises that people make only to end up being disappointed in the end. Why bother to put myself through that? Plus, I've always felt that it was silly to start a diet or create weight loss goals for the New Year. It seems like your health should be something you are committed to all the time, not just because it's a new year.

I found it interesting when people asked me what my New Years Resolution is. I told them I didn't have one, but in fact that wasn't true at all. I have many aspirations for the New Year, but I just never bothered to explore those deeply or write them down on paper so I could keep track of them. The more I think about it, maybe it's not silly. Maybe seeing my goals down on paper is just what I need in order to get the job done. My New Years Resolutions are simply the goals that I wish to accomplish and there is nothing wrong with that.

So, here goes. In no particular order.

My 2009 New Years Resolutions:

1. Learn to Love Myself. I want to feel happy and confident in my own skin. I want turn those negative thoughts into positive thoughts.

Put into action: Stop the negative self-talk. Find things I like about myself as opposed to things I dislike about myself. Stop being so critical. Have compassion for myself.

2. Take Care of Myself. I need to put my health as a priority. That means feeding myself healthy meals and exercising my body. Health is the main goal, but also I want to look and feel good. That means getting myself to a weight that I feel happy with.

Put into action: Exercise at least 4 times a week, but preferably 5. Include a mix of cardio, strength training, and pilates. I would like to lose at least 10 pounds which would bring me down to 125 lbs.

3. Invest Towards My Future. I have been talking a lot about going back into school in the fall for my Masters degree, however one of my biggest goals for the New Year is to leave Bloomington. I am putting it in writing here and now, when my lease goes up in July whether or not I get into grad school, I will be leaving Bloomington. But ultimately my goal is to go to grad school and leave Bloomington so hopefully I can kill two birds with one stone :)

Put into action: I've taken some of the first steps into applying, but I still need to write my personal statement and apply to at least one other school in case my first choice falls through. Also I need to look into financial aid and if necessary study for the GRE.

4. Create Boundaries to Protect Myself. I need to create boundaries for myself in the dating world. Boundaries exist to create physical and emotional safety, which is something I have been lacking. Now that I have many goals, I might take a break from the dating world for the meanwhile, but I still need to practice setting boundaries for when the time comes.

Put into action: Write down a list of my rules (which will be featured in a soon-to-come blog). Think about why I chose the rules I did and what those rules are protecting me from. Practice, practice, practice those rules. Create rules that align with my values and always remember to value myself first before anyone.

5. Be More Useful With My Time. I would like to waste less time on things that are unimportant (i.e. Facebook, Myspace, text messaging, television, worrying/obsessing, yadda yadda). I waste so much time at work and I'd like to put forth more effort into getting my work done.

Put into action: Be more productive at work and in my personal time. Prioritize the things I need/want to get done first. Stop being so lazy mentally and physically. Time is all we have, so I better make mine useful! Creating to-do lists would be a good start.

6. Make Time For Myself. Although I realize I have lots of goals I'd like to accomplish this year and lots of activities to take up my time, I'd like to remember to schedule in time for myself. All things are good in moderation. I get stressed out very easily so this is a must.

Put into action: Schedule in time to veg out and relax. Create time to tend to my hobbies such as crocheting, reading, and blogging.

Saying Goodbye to 2008

2008, you were a strange year for me. You started out bad. I was in a relationship with someone for all the wrong reasons. The first three months of you, I was miserable and depressed. Then something crazy happened on March 16th--I was free.

2008, you brought me many firsts. You were the first year in which I have been single for the majority of the year since 2001.

2008, you were the first year I flew on an airplane alone to visit a friend in San Diego for the first time.

2008, you marked the first time I visited New York and went to a Broadway Show with my dad and cousin.

2008, you were the first year I drove myself to the airport, parked my car, got on a plane to Chicago, took the subway train downtown, and went to a graduate school open house on my own.

2008, you were there the first time I ended things with a guy after 3 months of dating when I had a feeling things just wouldn't work out.

2008, you helped me realize that being on my own wasn't so bad and that there were a lot of things I actually enjoyed about being single and living on my own.

2008, you helped me discover my hobbies like crocheting, reading, and writing.

2008, you gave me back my friends I thought I had lost and you brought me closer to my family. You made me realize that those are two things that I cherish deeply and could not live without.

2008, you helped give me the push I needed to pursue grad school and the confidence to know that I will do it.

2008, you helped me find an amazing therapist who has helped me grow as a person and tackle issues I never thought I could talk about with anyone. I am so blessed.

2008, you were an amazing year. You have taught me so much about myself and others. I know sometimes I may have been angry at you and I didn't always understand why you put me through the things you did, but now I realize it was all for a reason. I love you so much for what you have represented for me and while it is bittersweet to say goodbye, I know that we must part ways.

I can't wait to see what surprises await me in 2009!

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!

Goodie Day

Today is Goodie Day at work. A day where co-workers come together to celebrate the holidays with a variety of holiday treats. From Velveeta cheese & salsa dip in the crockpot, to Chex Mix, to cupcakes, cookies, and pies--we've got everything your inner "fat girl" desires.

I was most impressed with the cupcakes Gale brought in. So impressed that I had some fun with Photoshop this morning. Take a look below.


These are just regular chocolate cupcakes topped with icing and sprinkled with chocolate and crushed candy cane.

I love the cupcake stand she used. It really does add a lot to the presentation and it's actually the entire reason behind why I even bothered to photograph the cupcakes in the first place. The only drawback that I can see is that the display is far too pretty to eat because the cupcakes haven't even been touched!

You can purchase a Wilton Cupcakes 'N More Dessert Stand at Bed, Bath, and Beyond for a mere $19.99. Use a 20% off coupon and you'll save an extra $4.00 before tax. It would be a great addition to any occasion--birthdays, holidays, weddings, anniversaries, you name it.

I also got a $10 Starbucks giftcard from my manager, which was very thoughtful. I love how everyone knows just how much I love my Starbucks in the morning. I broke down and bought Starbucks coffee to brew at home just to cut back on my weekly spending. I could easily drop $20 a week on Starbucks, no kidding. If I'm lucky, I'll get a few more in my stocking!